


But Aren't We Friends? Best Friends?

by storyplease



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Awkward, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 19:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7118878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyplease/pseuds/storyplease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily is obsessed with Severus and is totally in love with him even though he doesn’t feel the same way about her and she ends up emotionally blackmailing him by saying she’ll date James instead if he doesn’t date her and it’s what causes such a strain on their relationship. When Severus finally calls her a Mudblood, it’s because he’s gotten to the point where the only way out of the constant harassment is to destroy their friendship.</p><p>Because he loves Lily Evans and he always will; he just doesn’t love her like THAT.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But Aren't We Friends? Best Friends?

 

Severus Snape had never made a friend in his whole life,, but when he first saw  _ her _ ...saw what she could  _ do _ ...he knew that there was no question as to what he must do.

 

He  _ had _ to speak with her. He had to try. 

 

She had dark red hair- it was almost an unnatural shade of scarlet, but he thought it was beautiful.  He thought that everything about her was beautiful because she could do things that he’d only read about in books; things he could only imagine. It was different than the things that he could do- slamming doors from across the room without touching them when his emotions were in turmoil, or the way that time seemed to slow when his drunk of a father was about to backhand him, allowing him to flee before he could come to harm. It didn't always happen; only when his father was being more violent than usual. He’d be out the front door and halfway down the street before his father could move from his armchair, and he always seemed to know when his father had nodded off to sleep so that he could climb in his window and finally sleep.

 

But none of the magic that he could do was as effortlessly beautiful and creative as hers. He was all reaction and negative energy.  She floated in the air like an angel without wings.  She made flowers dance and twirl in the air with a mischievous smirk on her face as her sister stood nearby looking scandalized. Lily Evans used magic the way that Severus longed to use it; for its own sake. 

 

To Severus, this was the most noble and pure use of the magical arts, wandless and unrefined though it was. 

 

He decided immediately that no one who could do such beautiful, carefree things could be a bad person, and he was right.  She wasn’t a bad person.  Not at all. Sure, she liked getting her way, and she never visited his broken, rundown home, but he never wanted or expected her to do any different.

 

Because Lily Evans was his friend.

 

His  _ best _ friend.

* * *

 

“You’d best be careful of that Gryffindor bird you always hang about with,” cautioned Andromeda Black, who was a year older than Severus. “I hear she’s got her eye on you.”

 

Severus shrugged. “We’re friends.  We look at each other all the time.  It’d be silly not to.”

 

“No, Severus,” Andromeda said with a sigh, “You  _ are _ only thirteen years old, so maybe it hasn’t hit you yet like that growth spurt back in November, but girls tend to mature more quickly than boys...especially in  _ that _ way.”

 

Severus stared at Andromeda and furrowed his brow.  He wasn’t sure what she was referring to, but he wasn’t willing to make himself look like an idiot in the middle of the Slytherin Common Room by making a show of his ignorance.

 

“Well, of course I knew  _ that _ !” he said with a scowl.

 

“Oh... _ really _ ?” Andromeda smiled in that infuriatingly secretive way that seemed to be a Black family genetic trait before turning and walking slowly towards the girls’ dormitories.

* * *

 

Severus opened his Potions textbook and pretended to study for a while, but he couldn’t seem to focus on the words on the page.  

 

“Lily, you’d tell me if I... _ bothered _ you, right?” Severus asked softly one evening when they were studying for the Transfiguration exam in the library.

 

“What?!” Lily exclaimed, instantly cringing when Mrs. Pince shushed them loudly and dropping her voice to a low whisper. “Why do you ask, Sev? Has someone been giving you trouble again?”

 

“N..no...it’s not that,” Severus stuttered, hiding behind his hair.  

 

Lily’s first response to finding out that anyone was hassling him or bullying him was always the same- she pulled her wand out and proceeded to list the hexes she was going to aim at their bits. While a part of Severus agreed with her on the hexing, he often found her protectiveness made him feel very uncomfortable.  He told himself that it was simply because he wasn’t used to being protected, especially since she was really the only one who regularly did so, but part of him had begun to wonder if Andromeda was right.  Lily did spend an awful lot of time looking at him, especially when she really had no reason to do so.  He’d catch her staring at him in class, her green eyes flashing with some undefinable emotion.

 

“What?” he asked.  Lily had been saying something, but he’d been too preoccupied in his own thoughts to really pay attention.

 

“I was asking,” Lily repeated in a low, somewhat irritated voice, “if there is there something wrong with  _ me _ . You haven’t even noticed that I’ve changed my hairstyle and started trying out new charms on my face and skin.  To put it frankly, a witch puts a lot of work into her image to be noticed, so when you  _ don’t _ ...well, you know what I mean, right?”

 

Severus frowned.  There she was, nattering on about “you know what I mean” again.  

 

“I’m sorry, Lily. I don’t understand.”

 

Lily sighed deeply at this and it took her a long time to respond. Finally, she seemed to make a decision and smiled at him a little wistfully.

 

“I guess you’re just not ready yet.  It’s true that boys mature more slowly than girls, after all,” she said, shaking her head from side to side. “Well, then, this assignment won’t complete itself.”

 

There was nothing more said of the matter for the rest of the school year, for which Severus was greatly relieved. As they walked together towards the station, Lily hugged him tightly and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He blushed, thankful for the kind gesture but somewhat uncomfortable with the weight of her lips against his skin.  Even his own mother didn’t kiss him, but he began to wonder if this was why he felt so uncomfortable. Before he could react, she drew back from him, grinning mischievously, and ran off to talk with some of her friends. In the end, he said nothing about it and when she returned to the compartment, they chatted normally for the rest of the trip back to London.

* * *

 

Not long after school had started in the fall, Lily began talking about some boy in Gryffindor tower that she had a crush on.

 

“I hope you’re not jealous when I tell you these things,” she remarked demurely while they were sitting by the Black Lake watching golden leaves falling in the crisp autumn air.

 

“No, not at all,” Severus assured her, which oddly seemed to displease her.

 

“Even if it was, say, James Potter?” Lily teased.  She knew that Potter and his friends had a tendency to pick on Severus, but Severus was very careful never to tell her more than he had to, for he was very ashamed of being bullied.  It made him feel weak and he was terrified that Lily would find him even more useless and repugnant than he already was if she knew how bad it was. 

 

Severus stiffened.

 

“Don’t worry,” Lily said, placing a hand on his wrist, “I would never give that toerag the time of day, even if he paid me.”

 

“That’s good to hear,” Severus said, relieved.

 

“Aww, were you jealous thinking about Potter stealing my affections?” Lily grinned.

 

“Not exactly, but you must admit, there's something unsettling about imagining him dating you, Lily,” Severus said with a nervous laugh. “I mean, that fat-headed moron has such a large ego that he'd probably demand that you massage it three times a day.”

 

Lily stuck out her tongue in disgust. “I would never massage  _ anything _ of Potter’s- not even if he paid me!”

 

Severus snickered at this, for it was ridiculous to imagine strong, self-sufficient Lily willingly putting up with any of Potter’s shenanigans. 

 

“Say, Severus,” Lily said suddenly, placing her hand on his, “speaking of massages, your shoulders look stiff. I’ll rub ‘em for you, if you want.”

 

Severus went still.  Something in the way that Lily said it felt different, like the way she’d spoken to him in the library the year before.  That, and she had a way of touching him when they were together that set his teeth on edge and made him want to jump away from her, while also filling him with a sense of deep shame.  He told himself that this was just Lily’s way.  She touched her friends.  She was most definitely a hugger. But the way that she was tracing her finger on the back of his hand seemed different, and it began to dawn upon Severus that perhaps his instincts were correct after all.

 

“I...I’m fine…” he mumbled, his cheeks growing scarlet as he hid his eyes behind his long, stringy hair.

 

“C’mon,” Lily urged, her voice taking on a slight whine. She bent forward and saw his scarlet cheeks. Something new flashed behind her eyes and she began to grin in an almost predatory manner.

 

“I..mean...I…” Severus didn’t want to hurt Lily’s feelings, but he also was beginning to understand.  She... _ liked _ him...like  _ that _ .

 

“I pro-mise to be gen-tle!” Lily said in a singsong voice, bending forward until her lips were next to his ear.  She tucked one side of his long hair behind his opposite ear and drew back, he expression victorious.

 

“I...I…!” Severus grew flustered, pushing himself backwards against the trunk of the tree behind him.

  
“Yes?” Lily asked in a low voice, arching an eyebrow expectantly.

 

“I LIKE SOMEONE ELSE SORRY I JUST-” Severus blurted out the words and Lily reeled back as though she’d been slapped.  Her face grew hot and her eyes burned with angry emerald fire.

 

“Well!” she huffed, finally, after a long silence.

 

Severus was pale and shaking, his breaths whistling raggedly through his teeth as he gripped handfuls of grass and tried not to run.  He could see the dark fury rising within his best friend, and he knew that she was going to shout at him, just like she shouted at anyone else who angered her….just like his father….no...he wouldn’t let himself think that way...Lily was...Lily was…

 

“Who is she?” Lily asked quietly, her steady voice belying the fury in her face.

 

“It...it...doesn’t matter, Lily...It d...doesn’t change anything about our friendship,” Severus flailed, trying to find some way to undo the damage he’d caused.

 

“Who. Is. She?” Lily asked again, her fist tightening.

 

“Her name is Narcissa, and she’s-”

 

“A Black.  So, you’ve got a fetish for those Pureblooded hypocrites, do you?” Lily’s voice was sharp with loathing. “Tell me,  _ Severus _ , would you love me if I wasn’t a disgusting  _ mudblood _ ?”

 

Severus flinched at the sound of his full name and the usage of that ugly word.  Sure, the others used it playfully in Slytherin, but the way that Lily said it made it sound like a weapon.

 

“Please. That’s not-”

 

“Not what you meant? Huh. Could have fooled me, Severus Snape.  You know, my friends think that I only stay friends with you out of pity because nobody likes you.  I keep debating with myself about telling them, but you’ve just demonstrated exactly why doing so is an absolutely horrible idea.” Lily’s voice grew louder and louder until Severus was nearly flattening himself against the rough bark of the lakeside tree.  A couple of other students, who had been skipping stones on the Black Lake a further ways off, were beginning to stare at them. “Fine! Have your stupid Slytherin princess!  But know that she’ll never be yours, not with the way the Blacks would rather marry their children off to their cousins or brothers and sisters than have a half-blooded wizard or witch ‘sully’ their disgusting incestual purity. I mean, unless you’re into that.   _ Incest _ , I mean.”

 

The insult stung and Severus simply stared at the ground, willing himself to stop shaking with terror and self loathing for opening his big, stupid mouth.  He hated how weak he was before Lily, that she could say terrible things and all he wanted was for her to just hit him, to get it over with, so they could be friends again.  But he know that Lily wouldn’t hit him, and even if she did, their friendship would never be the same afterwards.

 

“Too bad for you, it seems like Narcissa is already taken. Guess who’s been complaining about being betrothed to her recently? I’ll give you a hint- he hates your guts.” Lily spat, looking like a vengeful wraith in her dark robes. “That’s right. Sirius Black is going to have your ice princess, even though he doesn’t even want her.”

 

A horrible noise like a strangled laugh burst from Lily’s mouth and then she was gone, bounding off at a strange, leaping pace that Severus knew was a manifestation of accidental magic- she was literally leaping as though gravity had weakened, her body nearly taking to the sky like a wingless bird, but she didn’t even seem to notice.  As Severus watched her disappear over the ridge in the direction of Hogwarts Castle, he felt a great pit of despair opening up in his chest.  Lily was hurting because he’d gotten flustered and blurted out his secret crush on the youngest Black sister.  He knew that Narcissa would never like him back, and that there were rules for things- Purebloods tolerated their inferiors and perhaps would even let them befriend half-bloods with connections or skills that seemed worthwhile for future connections, but they never dated or married outside of the confines of their traditions, and Severus had come to terms with this, just as he had come to terms with the fact that Lily was in Gryffindor and would therefore have Gryffindor friends.  Severus accepted his place in life. He would never hold Narcissa’s hand or dance with her at the Yule Ball or kiss her under the full moon during Beltane.  But he could still think of her beautiful gray eyes and her silky gossamer hair that seemed to glow when the sunlight hit it just  _ so _ , and it filled him with a sensation like butterflies beating their wings against his ribcage.

 

What made it all worse was that he loved Lily. There was no question about how he felt about her.

 

He just didn’t love her like  _ that _ .

* * *

 

Lily found him a few days later after the incident.  He’d gone out of his way trying to avoid her, but she was both stubborn and persistent, so it wasn’t long until she was able to corner him in one of the secret passages. 

 

The week had already been hard on him. Sirius Black and James Potter seemed to have it out for him even more than usual, their sneers telling Severus that Lily had likely reached Gryffindor Tower in the midst of her emotional response to his rejection, and wherever he went, it seemed that Gryffindors were constantly trying to get the drop on him or send hexes his way in the halls.  Though Severus still defended himself against the really harmful spells, he sometimes allowed his guard to drop enough to let a Stinging Hex hit his backside.  It felt like penance for being such a git.  He hated himself for hurting her, but he couldn’t lie to her. She was his only, his best friend.  If he lied to her, he would be betraying her confidence, which was something that he treasured above all else.

 

“I...I’m sorry, Lily,” he started, going silent as she held up a hand to cut him off.

 

“I’m the one who should be apologizing, Sev,” she said, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. “I acted like a right git myself the other day.  I can’t force you to feel something that you don’t, just...just answer one question, Sev.”

 

“Of course,” Severus said, still in shock. “Anything for you, Lily.”

 

“ _ Why _ ?” Lily asked plaintively, her eyes filling with tears, “Why don’t you like me the way you like Narcissa Black? Can I change my hair? My eyes? Do you need a charm that will make my body more like hers? Tall and lean and smaller breasted?”

 

Lily’s cheeks burned as she referred to her chest, which wasn’t huge, but she wasn’t the tall, nymph-like sort, not like Narcissa Black was at thirteen years of age.

 

“Lily, I can’t…” Severus trailed off, unsure about how to tell her. “I...I love you, and that will never change. I just...you’re just not…”

 

“Not  _ her _ ,” Lily sighed, looking absolutely crushed.

 

Severus wanted to hug her, to comfort her like a good friend would, but he stayed where he was. He didn’t want Lily to get the wrong idea.

 

Lily took a shuddering breath and slapped her cheeks softly as though trying to snap herself out of her funk.

 

“I still don’t like it, you know,” she pouted, “but I know I can’t change the way you feel...unless…”

 

“Unless what?” Severus asked confusedly.

 

“Unless maybe I try out a couple of things. Maybe it’s just my stupid hair and my eyes and my body...maybe you just need to see…”

 

Severus opened his mouth to tell Lily that how he felt about her was complicated, and that even he couldn’t tell if one day he might feel differently, but she was lost in thought and he was aware of how raw their friendship was at the moment, so he stayed silent and watched her until she looked up at him and gave him a sad smile.

 

“I suppose I’ll just have to move on,” she said bravely, “I...well...good luck, Sev.  I’m still kind of mad, but it’s really...it’s not your fault. I can see that now...I...I’m sorry, I can’t be happy for you, but I can try to work on that.  Friends?”

 

She stuck out her hand and Severus nearly leapt forward to take it.

 

“Friends,” he agreed. “Best friends. Forever.”

* * *

 

“Hey Sev, have you asked Narcissa to the ball?” Lily asked conspiratorily from behind her Potions textbook.  They were sitting in the back of Potions class with a full-strength Muffliato charm surrounding them. Slughorn was being his usual blowhard self and going on about nothing important whatsoever, so they had placed their textbooks up on their desks and were chatting to one another from behind them.

 

Severus flushed and shook his head. “She’d never say yes.”

 

Lily rolled her eyes. “C’mon, Sev. She’s not going to say anything if you don’t even give her the chance to say it. Just  _ ask _ her!”

 

“Oh? And what about you?” Severus replied, arching an eyebrow.

 

It was Lily’s turn to blush. “Well, other than that annoying toad James Potter, who asked me...let’s see...seven times,  _ eight _ including this morning’s pathetic display, I haven’t had anyone approach me.”

 

“Why don’t you ask that nice Hufflepuff bloke you were doing the Herbology project with last month?” Severus asked, remembering Lily’s offhanded comments about said Hufflepuff’s large, muscular arms from regularly volunteering to help out in the greenhouses.

 

“I...I couldn’t do that,” Lily replied, obviously flustered. “I mean, Jan and I barely know each other outside of class and…”

 

“How about we have a little wager?” Severus smirked at Lily, who’d gone somewhat green, because she knew his conspiratory tone of voice all too well. “Both of us will ask our desired person to the Yule Ball by next Friday.  Whoever asks first, whether we get shot down or not, gets one Galleon.”

 

Lily’s eyes widened. “Can you even afford that?” She covered her mouth, obviously realizing exactly how insensitive it sounded.

 

Severus snorted. “Of course. I’ve been tutoring my fellow Slytherin students in Potions.  I’ve got enough to make a little wager.”

 

“Well, if we’re betting,” Lily replied, smirking evilly, “then let’s add a little extra to sweeten the deal.”

 

“Oh?” Severus asked, “Someone is feeling confident, isn’t she?”

 

“Yes, I am,” Lily declared, “because I happen to know that Jan just had a difficult breakup last week and is likely looking for a little distraction.”

 

“What do you propose, then?” Severus was curious to know.

 

“We’ll each ask the person we want to have go to the dance with us in the Great Hall in public.  We won’t tell the other person when- but it has to be an actual attempt, nothing half-arsed.”

 

“Agreed.” Severus nodded.

 

“If both of us get rejected, which is quite possible,” Lily said, her voice lowering somewhat as a pink flush tinted her cheeks, “then how about we forgo any winnings and just go to the dance together?”

 

Severus stopped and thought for a long moment.  He still had the feeling from time to time that Lily was trying to get him to like her, even though she hadn’t said anything overt.  She’d started to wear certain cuts of traditional robes that were similar to Narcissa’s natural style during free time after classes.  She’d begun using certain charms and had even lightened her red hair until it was strawberry blonde, citing a “shampoo accident” as the reason it had gone lighter.  It had also gotten longer than ever, and Severus had the odd impression that Lily had decided to straighten her natural loose waves, though he’d never seen her do it for obvious reasons.

 

“Well…” he finally said, “I suppose that’s fair.”

 

“Let’s shake on it, Sev,” Lily said determinedly, sticking out her hand.  

 

Severus took it and felt her firm grip on his palm as she shook his hand. She lingered just a moment longer than he would have liked before releasing his hand and turning to her notebook, hiding the pages from him as she began to write some very detailed notes of some sort. Severus sighed as he realized that he was going to have to ask Narcissa Black to the dance in full view of an audience that would likely use it to humiliate him later. Still, he felt his heart swoop with excitement at the fact that now he had an actual reason to  _ try _ , at least.   


* * *

 

“Narcissa, may I have a word?” Severus asked, feeling a giant lump in his throat as he forced the words out the next morning in the Great Hall.

 

The tall, willowy girl fixed him with a cool stare and nodded politely, allowing him to slide into the empty space next to him. He’d done his best to make himself look more presentable than usual, though after he’d washed his hair, he’d gotten so fed up with how greasy it still looked that he’d simply gathered his long hair into a ponytail that he hoped looked classy instead of desperate.

 

Severus was about to open his mouth when the doors to the Great Hall flew open and Lily strode in confidently. She was wearing her cloak so that it was pulled back behind her shoulders, showcasing the outfit underneath, which was less than school-appropriate.  It was, however, very flattering on her body, accentuating the curves she had and making her breasts look far more noticeable than usual.  Severus gulped.  Lily had gone all-out.  She nearly sparkled with beauty, though he could tell at a glance that a good amount of it was spelled makeup and charms.

 

Lily strode up to Jan Grosse at the Hufflepuff table and gave him a come hither look along with crooked finger. “Hello, Jan,” she purred, loudly enough for everyone to hear.  Severus chanced a look at the Gryffindor table and saw James Potter with a napkin between his teeth and a throbbing vein sticking out of his forehead that appeared close to bursting.  

 

“Ahem.” Narcissa cleared her throat politely, and he turned back to her. “Were you hoping to speak to me, perhaps?”

 

Severus flushed and nodded. It was now or never.

 

“Narcissa,” he began, “I would love to have the pleasure of your company at the Yule Ball this year, if you do not already have a date. As per Pureblooded rules, I shall pay for everything with money of my own earning. I will pledge that your honor and chastity not be sullied in any way. And finally, I have been practicing my steps. I shall not disappoint you on the ballroom floor.”

 

Narcissa smiled that secretive smile before nodding slightly just as Jan picked up Lily and spun her around, exclaiming at how happy he was to be taking her to the Ball.  Severus caught Lily’s eye as Narcissa handed him her handkerchief, a clear sign in Pureblooded society that she’d accepted his invitation. But he wasn’t listening to the gasps of surprise at Slytherin table or the narrowed eyed glare that Lucius Malfoy was giving him.  All he could see was Lily, spinning in Jan Grosse’s arms with a plastic smile on her face, her eyes as cold and full of fury as they were that day by the lake.

In the end, no money was exchanged.  After all, they’d both gotten the dates they’d asked for, and it had been done at nearly the exact same time.

 

Severus invited Lily to come with him to Madam Merlette’s Eveningwear Emporium to choose out dress robes for the Ball on the next Hogsmeade trip, but she declined, citing a stomachache from eating too much dinner the night before.  Severus hadn’t wanted to go alone, but he knew that he had to do so, or he would be unable to plan for the preparation he would need to take a young lady of Narcissa’s stature out for an evening. His tutoring money didn’t last him as far as he’d hoped, but he used some charms and potions to help him the rest of the way.  The small phial of Sleek Strands Potion that he had already brewed in his dorm room closet had taken him forty-eight continuous hours of attention, but it was enough to make his hair look perfect for at least an evening.

 

By the time the chaperones were calling for everyone to go back to the castle, Severus had a pocket full of shrunken supplies.

 

He was ready.

* * *

 

“Ugh! Jan totally ditched me for some slag only one week before the Ball!” Lily moaned, resting her head in her hands as they attempted to study for the upcoming practical exam in Potions.

 

Severus gave Lily a sympathetic look, and made a mental note to refrain from talking about his excitement over his date with Narcissa, who had been talking to him more in the Common Room ever since she’d accepted his invitation.  The other Slytherin students had given Severus some odd looks, especially Lucius Malfoy, who seemed to be highly irritated about something, but wouldn’t say what it was.  Severus had pored over etiquette books in the library to make sure that he was following all of the established rules of decorum.  In fact, he was obviously doing far more than he needed to do, as many of the Pureblooded Slytherin students had actually asked  _ him _ questions about what was proper for the upcoming formal event.

 

While Severus knew they would never be real friends, they were being more friendly than usual, and he resolved not to blow this chance to develop connections with his fellow Slytherins.

 

“I’m sorry, Lily,” Severus said, because there was nothing else to say.

 

“Ugh, what about the Ice Queen...er...I mean...Narcissa?” Lily asked, looking disgruntled.

 

“She is...looking forward to the dance,” Severus said, trying not to say anything more than he needed, for he knew that would further upset his friend.

 

“Ugh, now what am I going to do?” Lily fretted, “I’m going to be all alone!”

 

“Don’t talk like that, Lily, surely-”

 

“Surely,  _ what _ ?” Lily interrupted. “It’s a week until the Ball! I have my dress and everything ready but no date! All of my friends have dates, even Alice, and she’s so hopelessly shy and mousy, that it’s a wonder she was asked at all! Merlin’s beard! I’m such a loser!”

 

Severus patted Lily on the back as she sniffled theatrically.  He knew that her moods could be somewhat extreme, but he didn’t know why she was taking it so hard.  There would be a Ball the following year as well. 

 

“I’m not even fifteen and my life is over!” Lily sniffed, her eyes red from crying.

 

“It’s not so bad, Lily,” Severus said, only to have his comforting hand shaken off her shoulder.

 

“You can say that because you have a perfect date with the perfect girl!” Lily exclaimed bitterly. “I have  _ nothing _ .”

 

“Lily, you know, there’s nothing against Pureblooded date etiquette that says that one cannot accept a dance invitation from another participant at the ball,” Severus said, trying to think of some way to calm her down at least a little bit.

 

Lily turned to look at him with wide, pleading eyes. “Oh, Sev!” she exclaimed. “Would you dance with me, really truly?”

 

Severus gave her a sad smile and nodded.  Lily wiped the tears from her eyes and practically tackled him into a hug.

 

“Oh, that makes me so happy, Sev, it really does!” she cried happily, and Severus wondered if Lily would always be so emotional when it came to these sorts of things.

 

As she pulled away, she kissed him on the cheek and he blushed because Lily had never done such a thing before.

 

“I know, I know,” she said sheepishly, “but you just made me the happiest girl in the school.”

 

Severus watched her pack up her things with a renewed spring in her step, hoping that he was simply reading into her behavior more than what was actually there.

 

If he didn’t know any better, he would have sworn she had been manipulating him.

* * *

 

The Yule Ball was beautiful, all lace and streamers and twinkling enchanted fairy lights.  Narcissa looked like an otherworldly being in her shimmering silver robes and ivory ermine-trimmed cloak, which gave one the impression that she had two white, angelic wings partly folded on each side of her.  Severus wore silk-trimmed robes that brushed elegantly against the marble floor in a way that made him appear as though he were gliding on the air. He’d altered them with a special set of charms to match the green-and-silver colors of his House. His hair was sleek and straight, framing both sides of his pale, angular face like a silky sheet of darkness. He knew that he would never be handsome the way that others were, but in that moment, he felt stately and full of class. 

 

It was like being part of another world, if for only one night.

 

He’d offered his arm to Narcissa, and she complied, striding into the room with grace and poise.  Severus was never so thankful for the growth spurt that had lengthened his legs enough so that he was not struggling to keep up with her pace. Everyone stared as they entered the ballroom, and though it made him feel uncomfortable, he managed a look of indifference enough to make it to the dance floor and begin their first waltz together. As he turned Narcissa in his arms and tried to convince himself that he all of this was actually  _ real _ , Severus noticed immediately how Lily’s face lit up and then grew pinched with annoyance as she saw him with his date. 

 

Though the sight of her didn’t make his breath hitch and his heart pound the way that Narcissa did, Lily looked very pretty in green and gold.  Her hair was piled on top of her hair and curls spilled out the back of it artfully.  She wore a pair of nearly see-through wings that looked as though they’d been plucked from the back of a butterfly and enlarged.  They shimmered as Lily turned to talk to her friend and Severus could see at a glance that they were a beautiful piece of spellwork. She was also wearing a very low-cut dress that left very little to the imagination.  She held one arm under her breasts, pushing them up even more when she realized he was looking at her.

 

_ For you _ , Lily mouthed as she turned back and caught his eye.

 

Severus tried not to stare at her.  Though he could see that she was indeed a very attractive young woman, she simply didn’t  _ affect _ him the way that Narcissa did.  Severus had come to terms with the fact that, even though he didn’t have any siblings, the way he felt about Lily was the way he felt about a family member.  Thinking about her in a sexual or romantic way was unthinkable, regardless of Lily’s quip about the Black family’s obsession with incestual blood purity. He doubted, however, that Lily would take this revelation well at all, so he had kept it to himself.

 

“Miss Black, may I have the honor of this dance?” Lucius Malfoy seemed to appear from nowhere, all height and gleaming, slicked back blond hair and a white smile that spoke of a lifetime of wealth.

 

Narcissa curtsied and looked at Severus, who bowed slightly at them both, as proper etiquette demanded.

 

“Please, do,” Severus said genially, his face a mask betraying no emotion.  Truth be told, he’d hoped to have more than one dance with his date before blokes started cutting in, but it couldn’t be helped.  Narcissa obviously knew Lucius fairly well, as her smile for him was more genuine; it was less of the practiced, polite smile she’d given him, that was certain.

 

“Sev!” Lily was practically jumping up and down beside him in a moment as Severus watched his date glide off in Lucius Malfoy’s white-robed arms.

 

“Good evening, Lily,” Severus said, bowing deeply.

 

Lily managed a clumsy curtsy, snorting with laughter.

 

“Oh, look at  _ you _ ,” she said wistfully. “You look like an absolute dream!”

 

Severus blushed, despite himself, and felt himself being drawn up into a tight hug.  Lily’s breasts pressed against him and he found himself blushing even more deeply.

 

“Your dress is…” He trailed off, unable to finish.

 

“I know, right?” Lily exclaimed with a devilish look in her eyes. “I didn’t think it was low-cut enough, so I decided to work my magic on it!”

 

“Listen, Lily…” Severus was cut off by a chorus of wolf whistles and Lily turned, her face growing scarlet with fury.

 

“Woooowie, Evans!” James Potter said, twirling around on the floor with some poor girl from Ravenclaw. “Give us a squeeze why don’t you?”

 

“Get stuffed, Potter!” Lily retorted as Severus stood between them. 

 

“Do you have even the foggiest understanding of how civilized people should treat one another?” Severus snarled, his voice full of protectiveness.  It was not often that Lily needed his protection, but he could feel her grasping his arm nervously.

 

“Hah! She’s asking for it, mate!” James leered at Lily’s chest. “I mean, c’mon, look at that  _ display _ !”

 

“You are crass and disgusting,” Severus retorted, and James looked about fit to pull his wand when Professor McGonagall spun around in Flitwick’s arms between both couples and both boys backed off.

 

“Later, Snivellus!” James sneered.

 

“Ugh, I most certainly hope  _ not _ ,” Severus sniffed in reply.

 

Lily giggled behind his arm and pulled him close into another hug.  “Thanks, Sev.”

 

“It is a gentleman’s duty to protect the virtue of his lady friends,” Severus said, placing his hand over his chest and bowing slightly.

  
“How about that dance, then?” Lily asked, looking shy.  Severus nodded and led her deeper onto the dance floor.  Lily wasn’t very good at following his lead, and she actually stepped on his toes once, which made him wince as she apologized profusely.  After awhile, though, she seemed to catch on and mirrored him quite well.  Severus was nearly smirking as he spun her around and pulled her back.  Lily was obviously enjoying herself and her face was glowing with joy.  He loved to see her like this- a carefree, happy Lily who moved like the world had been made just for her.

 

The music ended far too soon, and they all clapped politely as the musicians went to take a short break.  As everyone filed from the dance floor, Lily took Severus by the hand and led him outside to the balcony.

 

“Let’s get some fresh air,” she said shyly.

 

Severus allowed himself to be led and stood against a pillar as she looked out the window at the nearly-full moon.

 

“It’s too bad that Remus couldn’t come tonight,” she said sadly. “He started feeling really sick this afternoon and had to leave class early.”

 

Severus didn’t like that Lily was friends with the scarred boy, especially since Remus was absolutely useless at stopping his friends from acting like a couple of berks, but he also accepted that Lily didn’t like some of his acquaintances in Slytherin either.

 

“Was that Lucius Malfoy who took Narcissa onto the dance floor?” Lily inquired with obvious effort.

 

“Yes,” Severus said, wondering why Lily had taken an interest in either of them.

 

“I hear that his family is trying to court the Black family for Narcissa’s hand in marriage,” Lily said softly, “Sirius Black keeps going on about it in the Common Room.  That’s how I know.”

 

“It’s just a dance, Lily,” Severus said, sighing deeply. “I was never under the impression that I would get married to her. Someone like me-”

 

Lily whirled around, her eyes fierce.

 

“ _Someone like you_ is perfect just the way you are! You’re brilliant and clever and when you’re done up like this, I keep thinking that you must have just stepped out of a copy of _Witch Weekly’s_ _Most Winsome Wizards_ column!” Lily was blushing deeply as she ranted at Severus on his behalf. “In fact...in fact, I...I...can’t...I want to…”

 

She stepped forward and before Severus could react, she’d gone up on her tiptoes and then gone even higher, her body buoyed into the air by her magic as she pressed her lips against his.  She wrapped her arms around his neck and it took Severus a few shocked moments to realize that she had just slipped her tongue into his mouth.

 

“Severu- _ oh _ !” A gasp behind him made him turn and he saw Narcissa standing there with her hands over her mouth as Lucius Malfoy stood behind her with a smug look on his face.

 

Lily pulled away and sneered at Narcissa. “Oh, did you need him? We were just  _ talking _ .”

 

Narcissa’s face went scarlet with mortification, her gray eyes hardening immediately. “Lucius, I think I am about to be sick,” she said, turning, “Please, if you would be so kind to be my escort for the rest of the evening.”

 

They disappeared through the velvet curtain and Severus was left staring at it with horror.

 

“C’mere, Sev,” Lily slurred and Severus turned back to her with fire in his eyes.

 

“Get  _ off _ of me, Lily!” he said angrily, pushing her back.

 

Lily looked hurt and then gave him a calculating look. “She’s not going to come back, Sev, not after she saw us like  _ that _ .”

  
Realization dawned upon Severus and he looked at her with disgust. “Did you  _ plan _ that, Lily? Merlin’s pants, what the hell were you thinking?”

 

“Watch out for Malfoy, Sev. He’s the one who suggested it.”

 

“Yes, but  _ you went along with it _ !  _ You _ ! I thought I could  _ trust _ you and you...how  _ could _ you?!” Severus was shaking with anger and betrayal.  It was getting very difficult for him to keep himself still.  He wanted to run out of the castle into the night, but he couldn’t trust himself to run through the crowded room, not when everyone would know in a matter of seconds what had happened out on that balcony.  He absolutely dreaded going back to his dorm room that evening. All of those months of hard work to build his status enough to be off the unofficial Slytherin House shitlist and now Lily had undone  _ everything _ .

 

“I...I just wanted to…” Lily’s eyes were wide and full of guilt.

 

Severus wanted to yell at her, tell her that her guilt wasn’t enough, but it wasn’t true, not really.  Even though she’d betrayed him, it also hurt him to see her like this, which was almost worse. He despised hurting her, regardless of what she’d done.  

 

She was his friend. His  _ best _ friend.  

 

Why couldn’t she understand that?

 

“I...I need to leave,” Severus said, his voice more tired and full of pain than he would have liked. In one fluid movement, he pulled out his wand and cast a Disillusionment Charm on himself.

 

“Who will I dance with, Severus?” Lily’s lip was quivering and she was grabbing her arm tightly, looking like a lost puppy.

 

Severus stared at her.  She  _ dared _ to try and guilt trip him when he’d just been disgraced in front of  _ everyone _ ? What was  _ wrong _ with her?

 

“Dance with Potter for all I care!” Severus snarled, turning and practically sprinting through the ballroom and out of the doors.

* * *

 

He had to ward his bed for a week before everything calmed down again. Lucius Malfoy eventually stepped in and told the other boys that Severus had been involved in the plan to help him woo Narcissa, and that it had been a resounding success.  Severus was very grateful that Lucius was so willing to call off those who were practically calling for his head on a pike.  Lucius simply gave him that smile, the one that Severus had come to recognize as the one that meant, “you can owe me later.”  Lucius had indeed succeeded beyond his wildest dreams.  The Yule Ball incident had finally tipped the scales in Lucius Malfoy’s favor, and he was to be wed to Narcissa after she graduated.

 

Narcissa eventually forgave Severus as well, especially since Lucius was everything she’d ever wanted.  Somehow, that lessened the sting of abandonment, as Severus knew that seeing Narcissa truly happy was more important than his own stupid feelings.

 

Lily, too, had apologized for her behavior, eventually.  She’d even stood outside the Slytherin Common Room until he finally came out.  She handed him a big hand-drawn card on parchment that featured a stick figure picture of herself and a big arrow with the word “idiot” pointing at it.

 

“It basically says it all,” she said sheepishly. “I mean, I know I shouldn’t have gone along with it, but...I just...I wanted to show you that I’m not just some girl you played with as a kid.  I want to be more than that...I…”

 

“Lily, how many times do I have to tell you this?” Severus replied exasperatedly. “I love you, I really do, but you’re like my  _ sister!  _ You’re just not…”

 

“What, a  _ girl _ ?” Lily looked stung. “Well, maybe, the problem is that I simply haven’t properly convinced you that I  _ am _ a girl, Sev.  Have you ever thought of that?”

 

Severus sighed and accepted her hug with a heavy heart.  It was becoming obvious that Lily just wasn’t going to stop trying, regardless of what he said. The more that he tried to tell her that he truly didn’t think of her in a romantic way, the more she tried to prove to him that he could.

 

He was running out of options, and he knew it.

* * *

 

He hadn’t planned to call her a mudblood.  He regretted it the moment it escaped his lips, and yet, he saw her smile at James Potter, and in that moment, he remembered the way she’d smirked at Narcissa and Lucius at the Yule Ball, how she’d planned the whole thing out in an attempt to humiliate him and make him choose her.

 

He knew it made no logical sense, but he became convinced that Lily was in on it. If Lily had conspired with Potter and Black, who’d nearly led him to his death in the Shrieking Shack only a few months earlier, to humiliate him, then she was just as bad as they were.  She was just using him, albeit for another purpose.  Even though his heart broke at the thought of losing her as a friend, he knew that she’d given him no choice.

 

They weren’t friends any longer.

 

Severus made a show of trying to regain their friendship afterwards when he was at his lowest, mourning his closest friend and confidant, but Lily had grown cold and angry at him. 

 

“Think of it as payback for all of the times you shut me out and pushed me away,” she hissed, slamming the portrait in his face.

 

Severus trudged down to the dungeons alone.  Part of him was devastated, but the other part of him was strangely relieved.  He felt a strong sense of guilt for feeling somewhat glad that it was finally over.  Lily could finally move on without him around her; he was sure of it.

 

In his heart, however, Severus knew that he would always remember the image of Lily’s smiling, radiant face.

 

She’d been his friend, after all.

 

His best friend.


End file.
